 How would it feel to have someone you don’t know very well come up and ask you questions? Specific questions that require specific answers. Answers that, it feels only you would know.
You may be thinking, “it depends on the questions, and it depends on the time of day” and those are valid answers for sure! Fair enough. What if the person asked you the questions first thing in the morning, right after you got up and before your coffee? What if they spoke very quietly or in Pig Latin or asked you something that you felt was so random it caused you to wonder why they are even asking? While visiting aging loved ones living with dementia, a visitor needs to keep a few things in mind when they are looking to engage through conversation. Consider these tips: 1. Timing of your interaction. Just like you, your aging loved one has better times of the day and worst times of the day for socializing and engaging. Trying to “make something happen” during the not-so-great time of day will not turn out so well for everyone. 2. Reminders to meet the needs of your aging loved one. Preparing for your visit ahead of time with helpful reminders for yourself or others who join you. A few examples: He hears better on his left side; I must face him when speaking so he can read my lips and face expression; I don’t need to yell but to speak up and talk a little more slowly and clearly. 3. Be relatable. The Game 20 questions is fun —when everyone is aware they are playing a game. Coming into a visit and peppering someone with random questions on all topics imaginable can be confusing and frustrating. Come prepared with a couple of topics that are relevant and relatable to your aging loved one. See where the conversation takes you both. Have fun, keep it light. If your loved one is telling a story, use your imagination and visualize as if it is a “movie”. From there, you may have a new perspective in which to ask other questions including “what was that like for you?” 4. Remove the pressure. Regardless of whether someone living with dementia or not, if you find some of their answers or details in a story are lost or inaccurate, be sure to take the pressure off them to find the “right answer”. This may be a good cue to go more generally with the conversation. For example, if you find that asking for the name of Aunt Ella’s late husband and the year they were married comes up at a loss, then take the pressure off by saying, “Aunt Ella and her husband, I can’t recall his name…I think they got married in the 1940’s”. You can turn the question into more of a general statement. It takes the pressure off your aging loved one and the conversation can flow easier. If your loved one does have the details, they can correct you or add to your generalized statement. If they provide incorrect details, then ask yourself, how important is it at this time? Most often it is fine to let it slide or take the topic more general. 5. Be aware. As with all interactions, be mindful of how your aging loved one is doing. Are they getting tired? Do they need a drink or a snack? What about a change of scenery and moving to another area? Visiting is a full body experience, and it can distract from other needs. Having a drink, a snack, some variety in surroundings all help to regulate ourselves so we widen the “best time of day” for ourselves and those we visit. Visiting with your aging loved one has the potential to be most enjoyable for everyone with a little preparation ahead of time. Taking the pressure off them and you are helpful. Other considerations, from being aware, mean that everyone comes together at their best. Adding grace and understanding means that meaningful and memorable times are made together.  Lloyd was a force of nature. Once a brilliant engineer, he'd always been a man of action and a problem-solver. But now, moved to the dementia care wing in a care facility, his energy could be better directed. Often bored and frustrated, he’d become unsettled, constantly demanding attention and causing disruptions.
His family, worried and exhausted, turned to A Friend Indeed. They hoped to find someone to engage Lloyd, channel his energy, and bring him a sense of purpose and direction. Enter Friend Anita, a patient and creative woman with a knack for connecting with people. She quickly realized that Lloyd needed mental stimulation and a sense of purpose. She remembered his past as an engineer, someone who excelled at solving complex problems and designing intricate structures. A spark ignited! On her next visit, Friend Anita brought origami paper and simple folding instructions that she practiced ahead of time. She invited Lloyd to the table in a common area of his unit. At first, Lloyd was skeptical about this project she presented, but as he followed her lead, one step at a time, he began to fold the paper, and a familiar sense of satisfaction washed over him. It was like solving a puzzle, a challenge that required precision, patience and purpose! Performing the steps over and over together with his Friend, Lloyd's skills improved and he found great satisfaction in the whole process. Their project caught the attention of passersby who came to investigate. Other residents complimented and asked if he could make one for them! “Absolutely, I can!” He found joy in the process, the tangible results, and to top it off the opportunity to gift someone who was entertained by him. Lloyd, once a source of frustration, became a source of inspiration. He was no longer just a noisy resident but a teacher and mentor. His mind was sharp, his spirit lifted, and the unit was more peaceful. Friend Anita's simple act of kindness transformed Lloyd’s life. She had given him a purpose, a hobby, and a newfound sense of community. And in doing so, she also brought peace to the unit and relief to his family  Joe was a quiet, introverted man who preferred solitude to social gatherings. When he moved into the care facility, the constant noise and activity overwhelmed him. He withdrew into himself, spending most of his days in his room. The care staff noticed a decline in his mood and appetite.
To help Joe adjust to his new environment, his family contacted A Friend Indeed. They were matched with a gentle and patient companion named Friend Shauna. Friend Shauna understood the importance of creating a calm, predictable, and peaceful atmosphere for Joe. She would often visit him in his room, engage him in quiet conversations, and read him his favourite articles from the newspaper. Overtime and with gentle encouragement, Friend Shauna helped draw Joe out of his room and they even checked out a few activities going on in the building. She could see that Joe felt comfortable knowing his Friend could be a safe way to leave a group activity if he didn’t want to be there any longer. The social pressure of a group was lifted off him. They would go for short walks in the facility's garden, where they could sit and enjoy the peace of nature. They even stopped at the Tuck shop so he could pick up a few things he wanted for later on. As time passed, Joe began feeling more comfortable in his new environment. He started participating in group activities and even made a few new friends who he sat with in the dining room. Friend Shauna's support and understanding helped him adapt to his new environment and find joy in this next chapter of life.  Sarah felt a sense of relief and joy as she visited her brother, David. The once withdrawn and depressed man she knew had been transformed. The David she saw now was more engaged, social, and like his old self.
It had all started when she reached out to A Friend Indeed. They had matched David with a compassionate and patient man named Friend Michael. Friend Michael had a knack for connecting with people, especially those living with dementia. He visited David regularly, engaging him in activities he was successful at and that played to his strengths, bringing him joy and fulfillment. Friend Michael often reads to David, they build puzzles, and go out for walks around the facility. These activities helped to awaken David's spirit, drawing him out of his shell. With Friend Michael's encouragement, David even tried out a few group activities and meeting others. Sarah was amazed at Friend Michael's positive impact on her brother. She could see the difference in David's eyes, a spark of life that had been missing for so long. As she watched her brother feeling a little more independent, she felt a sense of gratitude for A Friend Indeed and the invaluable support they had provided to her brother and to her. Disclaimer: All stories are fictional and loosely based on actual events. No client, employee or facility names have been used. If this story feels familiar to you, it is because many caregivers, families and aging loved ones feel the same. You are not alone. Always Better With A Friend: Short Stories Series  Disclaimer: All stories are fictional and loosely based on actual events. No client, employee or facility names have been used. If this story feels familiar to you, it is because many caregivers, families and aging loved ones feel the same. You are not alone. The Problem: How To Keep A Loved One Active In A Home
Sarah was feeling overwhelmed. Her mother, Evelyn, had been diagnosed with dementia a few years ago, and her abilities and judgement were becoming gradually more impaired. As a busy professional, Sarah struggled to balance her work commitments with her mother's care. Evelyn had moved into a lovely assisted living facility, but her daughter was still worried about her mom. Sarah knew it was important for her mom to stay active and engaged, as it was crucial for her mother's well-being, so she contacted A Friend Indeed. The Solution: A Friend Indeed A Friend Indeed matched Evelyn with a compassionate and energetic woman named Friend Maria. Friend Maria naturally connects with people, and she quickly formed a bond with Evelyn. Their visits are spent chatting, playing games, and exploring the building together. Friend Maria encourages Evelyn to participate in onsite activities, such as the art class and book club. The Outcome: Noticeable Struggles One day, Friend Maria noticed that Evelyn was struggling with the dining room's noisy environment. It was impacting her focus on her meal and she didn’t want to eat. She included this observation in her visit summary for the family. It was suggested to make a slight change in the start time of the visits so that Friend Maria would be there over lunch. Friend Maria would bring her own lunch and they could go to a quieter area outside the dining room. Sarah thought this was a lovely idea to try. During the next visit, Evelyn and Friend Maria enjoyed a “picnic” of sorts that felt more comfortable away from the dining room and with less distractions. At the end of the visit, Friend Maria let the nurse know how successful Evelyn was with finishing her meal and her fluid intake. The nurse appreciated the info as they were keeping track of that information. The Conclusion: Improvements And Uplifted Spirits As the weeks passed, Sarah noticed a significant improvement in her mother's mood and overall well-being. Evelyn was more engaged, more social, and more content. She was eating regularly, staying hydrated, and her participation in choice activities kept her busy and brought her joy. Sarah was incredibly grateful for Friend Maria's support and observations. She knew her mother was in good hands, and she could rest easy knowing Evelyn was happy and thriving in her new home. Always Easier With A Friend: Short Story Stories  Disclaimer: All stories are fictional and loosely based on actual events. No client, employee or facility names have been used. If this story feels familiar to you, it is because many caregivers, families and aging loved ones feel the same. You are not alone. The Problem: The Responsibility Of Living With An Aging Loved One
The weight of responsibility had settled heavily on Sarah's shoulders. Her mother, Evelyn, had moved into her home after a recent health scare, and the demands of caring for her and her family were becoming overwhelming. Her adult children and grandchildren, while well-intentioned, often dropped by unannounced, expecting immediate attention. The Solution: A Friend Indeed A Friend Indeed offered a lifeline. They introduced Sarah to Friend Linda, a kind and compassionate companion willing to provide regular weekly visits on Tuesdays and Thursdays. With Friend Linda’s help, Sarah could finally take a breath, run errands, or spend time on her own. The Outcome: Freedom and Normalcy At first, Evelyn was hesitant about the arrangement. She worried about being a burden and didn't want to inconvenience anyone. But Friend Linda's warm smile and gentle demeanour quickly put her at ease. They enjoyed chatting, sharing stories, and even dusted off some old crafts to do together. With Friend Linda's regular visits, Sarah regained a sense of normalcy and balance. She could attend her own appointments, take her grandchildren to the park, and spend quality time with her husband. She no longer felt guilty about neglecting her own needs. The whole dynamic of the house changed to ease. The Conclusion: A Special Friendship As the weeks passed, Evelyn and Friend Linda formed a special friendship. They looked forward to their visits, and Evelyn often confided in Friend Linda about her hopes and fears. The once stressful situation had become more manageable, thanks to the compassionate visits from A Friend Indeed. Always Better With A Friend: Short Story Series  Disclaimer: All stories are fictional and loosely based on actual events. No client, employee or facility names have been used. If this story feels familiar to you, it is because many caregivers, families and aging loved ones feel the same. You are not alone. The Problem: Work Causes Distance From An Aging Loved One.
The winter chill was settling in Calgary when Sarah received the call. Her father Tom, a gentle soul with a touch of dementia, had moved into a care facility. A busy professional, Sarah was set to embark on a four-month work assignment in Phoenix. The thought of leaving her father worried her, especially during these vulnerable times. The Solution: A Friend Indeed Remembering a conversation with her son the previous year, she recalled him mentioning a service called A Friend Indeed. It was a perfect solution. She contacted them, explaining her situation. A Friend Indeed quickly assigned a friendly, patient woman named Friend Emily to visit her father three times a week. The Outcome: Connection, Socialization and Community Friend Emily's visits were more than just check-ins. She was a bridge to the world outside his room. She'd encourage him to join activities like bingo or group trivia. She'd bring in small treats, like a new puzzle or a favourite snack, and engage him in conversation. She'd listen patiently to his stories, validating his feelings and experiences. At first, Tom, a timid man, was hesitant. But Friend Emily's warmth and understanding soon melted his reserve. He began to look forward to her visits, sharing his thoughts and feelings with her. With Friend Emily's gentle encouragement, he started to step out of his comfort zone, joining group activities and meeting other residents. He knew that Friend Emily would advocate for him if he had a concern or question about his residency. The Conclusion: A More Fulfilling Life And Regular Updates Sarah, who lives far away in Phoenix now, receives regular updates from Friend Emily. She knows her father is in good hands, cared for, and engaged. The weight of worry is lifted and replaced by a sense of peace. A Friend Indeed had done more than just provide a service. They had given Tom a Friend, a companion, and a lifeline to a fuller more engaging life. What is your top priority as a family caregiver when it comes to supporting your aging loved one who is living with dementia?
Has anyone asked you this question before? Have you ever asked yourself? There are a lot of priorities to choose from. Let’s consider the most common possibilities of safety, nutrition and activity to see where you stand. Is safety your top priority? If your loved one lives in their home, or if he lives in a suite at a care facility, do you have concerns about safety? Is there a chance they may wander or fall? Do you catch yourself worrying during times of the day (or wake up at night) about this? If so, then safety might be your top priority. How about the quality of nutrition and staying hydrated? If your loved one remains at home and he relies on you to shop and prepare nutritious meals for him, it can also be an added challenge to get him to eat! Perhaps he eats at unusual times of the day, or reaches for the same ‘ol thing, or something easy (and not necessarily the best choice). These are common challenges a family caregiver can face. For a loved one living in a care facility, challenges of waiting until set meal or snack times, or not liking the current menu option, or bypassing the meal and heading straight to the dessert can happen. If he doesn’t initiate his request, having to wait for the offer of a drink or snack throughout the day may mean a lower intake of both. If you are concerned with his eating or getting enough fluids in a day, then nutrition and hydration may be your top priority. What fills your aging loved one’s day? What does he look forward to? What does he excel at or at least really enjoy doing? How a person spends his day can directly influence his mood, behavior, body and mind. Every person ultimately wants to feel included and accomplished. Contributing to and feeling successful at something, even if that something is a small thing. With the right support available and with the right approach, together it can feel like something more significant. During the day, does your loved one spend some of their time focused on an activity or in conversation? Something appropriate to his abilities and interests and then does he come away feeling wonderful? Or does it seem like there are too many hours in a day with the next day being more of the same? Does this boredom influence his behavior and mood? Does he get to move his body, and does he get to make decisions to exercise his mind? Are you thinking this might be your top priority for your aging loved one? Priorities today may change as time goes on and as circumstances shift. Whether your aging loved one lives in care or at home, the priorities of safety, nutrition/hydration and purposeful activities are all very real. Each person’s circumstances are different and as a caregiver, you are overseeing all aspects of their care. It is a big role with a lot on your shoulders. If you are thinking about additional support, consider having a Friend matched with your loved one. A Friend to be that second set of eyes and ears for you. A Friend who can help with shopping, meal prep and company at the table. A Friend to offer gentle encouragement and opportunities for healthy snacks and hydration. A Friend who can bring meaningful activities that will engage and bring out the best in your loved one and help to use up unspent mental and emotional energy from the day. It all starts with asking the question – “what is my top priority for my aging loved one?” Let’s have a conversation. Reach out to Robyn at 403-980-0199 to discuss. Sarah felt a sense of relief and joy as she visited her brother, David. The once withdrawn and depressed man she knew had been transformed. The David she saw now was more engaged, social, and like his old self.
It had all started when she reached out to A Friend Indeed. They had matched David with a compassionate and patient man named Friend Michael. Friend Michael had a knack for connecting with people, especially those living with dementia. He visited David regularly, engaging him in activities he was successful at and that played to his strengths, bringing him joy and fulfillment. Friend Michael often reads to David, they build puzzles, and go out for walks around the facility. These activities helped to awaken David's spirit, drawing him out of his shell. With Friend Michael's encouragement, David even tried out a few group activities and meeting others. Sarah was amazed at Friend Michael's positive impact on her brother. She could see the difference in David's eyes, a spark of life that had been missing for so long. As she watched her brother feeling a little more independent, she felt a sense of gratitude for A Friend Indeed and the invaluable support they had provided to her brother and to her. Disclaimer: All stories are fictional and loosely based on actual events. No client, employee or facility names have been used. If this story feels familiar to you, it is because many caregivers, families and aging loved ones feel the same. You are not alone There is a social media group called Dementia Daughters Canada. I’ve been a member for quite some time. People post their questions, concerns and celebrations all relating to being a caregiver for a loved one living with dementia. If I do say so myself, it is a really nice community with a safe space to put things out there and ask for a listening ear or for other caregivers’ experience-based advice.
The posts and the responses are made from real people who all want the same thing, to do the best they can for their aging loved one and not lose themselves entirely in the process. Having been in service for many families over the past 14 years and having been a caregiver to my own mom, any contribution I add to a post is made strictly from a place of giving and not trying to take center stage. And so, it often means that only a portion of what I want to pass along is posted with so much more [I feel] left unsaid. For anyone who is interested and who may feel it would be helpful for their situation, I will remove the name of the person who posted and share what I wanted to say. The post (name removed for privacy): “It takes a strong person to deal with a loved one with dementia. I don’t know if I’m that strong.” Dear caregiver, I’d like to acknowledge the strength it took for you to write those words and put yourself out there for others in the group to find and give thought to. Your words immediate cause every reader to self-reflect –not only the current struggles they find themselves facing but (hopefully) also seeing that grander picture of the moments that are a little lighter, a little sweeter even though so different from life before. It does take a strong person, AND it means that one person can’t do it all –all the time. Whether physically, emotionally or mentally, we all need a circle of support around us. It is being brave, and you’ve showed yourself to be, by reaching out even if you are unclear exactly what you need to do next. Being open is the way. I learned a great lesson years ago from my husband who was a cyclist. He said when things get tough and you aren’t sure if you can make the whole ride, just look at the next 10 feet (and the next 10 feet), and so on. You will get there, and you don’t need to worry about the whole ride. Just focus on the next 10 feet. Give yourself the grace you need and deserve. You are doing and will do well. |
Senior Living, Assistance, Support and Activities. A Friend Indeed serving Calgary, Airdrie, Cochrane and Didsbury
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Serving Locations
Airdrie Calgary Didsbury Cochrane Red Deer Head Office
Airdrie, AB (403) 980-0199 |
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