why don't we...

Empowering Another Without Interfering

I recall visiting a lady living in a care facility years ago. I met her in the hall and we sat to look outside at the spring flowers coming up. A series of small strokes in the past had resulted in her limited speech. She could answer yes/no and occasionally a short, clearly spoken phrase. I had been visiting her twice a week regularly for about 8 months or so and we had gotten to know each other quite well.

On this day, she grimaced, and her hand went low on her stomach. “Are you in pain?” –Yes. “Is it an ache or like someone stabbing you?” Nothing. “Is it an ache?” –No. “A stabbing?” –Yes. “Well that doesn’t sound good. Why don’t we go to the nurse’s station and see what she has to say?” –Yes. I wheeled her there and called the nurse’s attention. She came over and ask us “What is wrong?” I crouched down next to my lady and looked at her. I provided the context of what had just happened and my lady’s decision to come to the nurse’s station. I gave them the space to communicate from there. As needed, I filled in more specifics as to what I saw and what I understood from my lady being careful to not diagnose or step in where it was not my role.

Those clues helped the nurse ask more specific questions which my lady was better able to answer. The three of us contributed to effective communication. The nurse could make a plan to help her now as well as a plan to monitor her later. A couple of days later, I learned from my lady’s family that she had a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and was being treated. Good to catch that early. I was glad to be able to help my lady access the assistance she needed.

When our loved one is in pain, we want to do everything we can to help her. Sometimes the most efficient and effective thing we can do is to listen, to acknowledge what she is saying and observe what is going on. By doing so, we empower our loved one as well as those around them, allowing for better understanding and assistance.