8 Critical Needs When Caregiving for Your Aging Loved One -Are You Meeting Them?

When it comes to caregiving for your aging loved one -let’s get clear.

You know how sometimes things that are really close to us are harder to see. Something that “has always been”, by default, did actually have a beginning at one time.  

In all that you do for your aging loved one, do you recall the grander questions that drive the need for caregiving?  Let’s revisit those grand questions. 

“Why are you doing what you are doing? And what do you want for them?” I mean, really want for them.  

Caregiving directly impacts so many areas of your aging loved one’s life and yours. Almost every aspect of life is touched when caregiving is present. Over time, a complicated tension can build between progress with appreciation AND the challenges with resentment. This tension often triggers frustration for everyone.  

As a caregiver, you are well aware that caregiving has the lion’s share of obstacles, distractions, waiting games, negotiations, so many details to oversee and manage, and a ton of decisions to work through. There are times when it can feel like a struggle for everyone to navigate their way through.  

The 8 Critical Needs To Meet

You don’t want to miss the forest for the trees. Let me clarify.

There are 8 main areas in life that, when they are working well, everything else seems to be working well too. These areas are Health, Comfort, Safety, Activities, Engagement, Fulfillment, Community and Individuality.  

When these 8 areas are working well, it seems as though added grace, patience and even a little higher tolerance are available to everyone involved. When some or all of these areas are out of whack, then when things don’t go as well as hoped, there is added frustration, nervous system upset, struggle, and more tension.

Ask yourself, “What do I want for my aging loved one?”

For each of the 8 areas, think of your aging loved one and who they are. Ask yourself this question: “What do you want for them? As it pertains to their health? For their comfort? Regarding safety? Keeping them active? Having them engaged? Feeling fulfilled? Feeling included in the community? To continue to be themselves? 

These desires might look something like this:

“I want my aging loved one to enjoy strong physical and mental health with timely medical care, everyday comfort in a familiar, soothing environment with pain well managed, dependable safety measures that protect dignity and prevent accidents, regular social connections and meaningful activities to foster community, and personalized care that honours their choices, routines, and independence.” 

Wouldn’t life be wonderful if your aging loved one’s life experience were as written in that statement above? (heck if we all experienced life!) The reality is everyone is on their own life journey with their own experiences and circumstances unique to them –your loved one included. That statement above illustrates how the 8 aspects all flow and work together, making up what can be a great life experience. 

Don't push for perfection

Should we suggest that you work towards perfection in all 8 areas? Absolutely not!  

Just like a pilot in an airplane, most of the time they are off course and are correcting to stay in the direction of where they want to end up. In caregiving, there are so many changes. Seasons come and go. There are good days, challenging days, ordinary days and extraordinary moments, all of which make up this life. These experiences provide us with opportunities to try new ideas, make mistakes, learn, live, play, and love. 

Like the pilot’s navigational instruments that guide her, you and your aging loved one can build your own guide by answering the question “What do you want for them?  in each of the 8 areas. Use the answers to keep an eye on the bigger picture as you both navigate this stage of life’s journey together.  

Does this mean challenges will subside? Not likely, but it does mean you can look back and see the forest, the bigger picture, with added grace, some extra patience and even a little higher tolerance when the unexpected happens.  

You’ll have a guide to refer back to and see which of the 8 areas their response to the challenge might be arising from. You will know where some extra reassurance or extra support needs to go to help your aging loved one feel more secure or at ease. 

We have a helpful tool you can download to keep all 8 areas top of mind and take a snapshot of how your aging loved one is doing currently.  

At any time, you can use the tool to check in to see if any area is dipping. You can respond quickly and address it right away, getting out ahead before it escalates. Keeping a steady balance in all the areas –not perfection, means you and your aging loved one can move forward in your journey together, showing up having more grace, more patience and understanding. Having a guide that reminds you of the bigger picture means you remain clear. Think about how that would feel for you, your family, and your aging loved one.