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The 8 Areas of Life – Individuality is the 8th Area
Today is the day we cover the 8th (and final!) Area of Life – INDIVIDUALITY!
One by one, we have been sharing, inspiring, asking questions and providing info to help you –the family caregiver learn more about ALL 8 Areas of Life. When these Areas are working well, it seems like EVERYTHING is a little easier, a little smoother for you and your aging loved one. That is always a good thing!
By the way, the previous 7 Areas of Life can be found alongside the MAIN BLOG.
INDIVIDUALITY is such a broad topic when it comes to your aging loved one.
For the purposes of education, introspection, and inspiration, let’s narrow it down and focus on one element: uniqueness.
Uniqueness is rooted in how we see ourselves and the world around us. Every person has their own perspective, experiences, values, and ways of expressing themselves. Your aging loved one is no different.
Consider your loved one's uniqueness in relation to:
Their point of view
The ways they have expressed themselves throughout their life and how they express themselves today
Their overall sense of satisfaction, fulfillment, and contentment
Over the next few weeks and presented in many different forms, we will discuss what INDIVIDUALITY means when it comes to your aging loved one.
You will get ideas, tips, stories and suggestions to help you better understand the uniqueness of your aging loved one. Perhaps you will gain a different perspective. Perhaps you may uncover something that has been in front of you for a long time, but for whatever reason, you couldn’t see it.
INDIVIDUALITY and your aging loved one, sometimes small shifts in understanding them can lead to a better relationship AND support. Ultimately gaining a better experience, a greater feeling of satisfaction and contentment, meeting the needs of the 8th Area of life.
If you haven’t already read them, here are all our past blog posts:
Ponder This
The older adult in front of you is the result of a lifetime of experiences, not just the years you happened to witness.
The World Health Organization reports that approximately 75% of the diversity seen among older adults results from the cumulative impact of life experiences, advantages, and disadvantages across the life course.
Your parent is not only the person you knew growing up.
They are also the person they were before you were born, the person they became through decades of experiences, and the person they still understand themselves to be today.
"Approximately 75% of the differences we see among older adults are the result of unique life experiences accumulated over a lifetime." — World Health Organization
A Story Worth Telling
How We See Things Is How We See Things
Have you ever stopped to question what you're seeing (or doing) and ask yourself whether it is accurate or true?
It reminds me of a story I heard long ago. I don't recall who told it.
A woman was making supper for her family and decided to cook a ham. Her daughter sat nearby, watching as her mother cut the ends off the ham and placed it in a roasting pan.
"Mom, why did you cut the ends off the ham?" asked the daughter.
Her mother replied, "That's what I learned from Grandma," and placed the ham in the oven.
Satisfied with the answer, the daughter went off to play.
A few moments later, the mother paused and thought about the answer she had given.
"Why do I cut the ends off a ham?" she wondered.
Curious, she decided to call her own mother.
When Grandma answered the phone and heard the question, she burst out laughing.
"Daughter, the reason I cut the ends off the ham was because my pan was too small!"
Sometimes the things we do and the judgments we hold are simply habits, beliefs, or assumptions we've adopted without questioning them.
It serves both us and the people we love when we take a moment to reflect and ask ourselves whether those judgments and familiar actions still serve a purpose. We can then decide whether to carry them forward or let them go and make room for a new way of thinking.
When it comes to our aging loved ones, sometimes seeing them with fresh eyes begins with questioning what we think we already know.
Tips To Help You
Notice When You're Thinking, "That's Just How They've Always Been"
A sign that you may not be seeing your aging loved one as the individual they are today is when you frequently catch yourself saying:
"That's just Mom."
"Dad has always been stubborn."
"She's always been like that."
"He'll never change."
These statements can unintentionally place your aging loved one in a box based on your past experiences with them.
Instead, pause and ask yourself:
"Am I reacting to who they are today, or to the version of them I remember?"
People continue to learn, grow, adapt, and change throughout their lives. By becoming aware of your assumptions, you create space for curiosity instead of judgment and understanding instead of frustration.
Sometimes the key to a better relationship isn't changing your aging loved one. It's seeing them with fresh eyes. Imagine what a difference that would make for everyone!
Tips You Can Act On
Become a "Student" of Your Aging Loved One
For one conversation each week, set aside what you think you already know about your aging loved one and approach them as if you were meeting them for the first time.
Instead of asking about tasks, appointments, medications, or daily needs, ask questions about their experiences, opinions, and memories.
A few inspirational sample questions could be:
What was one decision that changed your life?
What challenge taught you the most about yourself?
What did you believe at 30 (or use the age you are at now) that you no longer believe today?
Who influenced you the most and why?
What accomplishment are you most proud of that people rarely ask about?
The goal is not simply to gather stories.(although that is pretty cool too!) The goal is to discover how they think and how their life experiences shaped the person they became.
Many family caregivers unknowingly relate to an aging parent through a collection of memories:
"This is the mom who packed my lunches."
"This is the dad who taught me to drive."
While those memories are real and important, they represent only a small portion of a person's life.
A powerful mindset shift is to remind yourself:
"I know my parent as my parent. I do not know everything about them as a person."
When family caregivers become curious about who their aging loved one was before they became Mom or Dad, they often uncover strengths, fears, sacrifices, dreams, disappointments, and perspectives that deepen understanding and compassion.
Reflection Question
The next time you interact with your aging loved one, ask yourself:
"Am I responding to who they are today, or am I responding to who I remember them being?"
That single question can open the door to seeing the unique individual behind the family role.
Quotes Worth Sharing
"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?"
--George Eliot
It takes a village…in ALL chapters in life. A Friend Indeed is there for you, the family caregiver AND your aging loved one.
"What novelty is worth that sweet monotony where everything is known and loved because it is known?"
--George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss.
Long relationships create familiarity, but familiarity can sometimes blind us. We think we know everything about our aging loved one because we've known them for decades. In reality, there are often layers of experience and meaning we have never explored. Every bit makes up who they are.
A Testimonial
“We’ve had a wonderful experience with this company. Our “Friend” is treating my dad with such respect and helping him to get out and shop and simply be around people again! Highly recommended!!”
-- Grant T, Son
A Compliment To The Care Giver
To the Family caregivers!
This is a reminder to take a pause and celebrate YOU!
For all the reasons! THANK YOU for all YOU DO!
What Would It Be?
If you had a Magic Wand? And had ONE WISH that would help your aging loved one celebrate their INDIVIDUALITY…
What would you wish for?
Write it in the comments and inspire other families!
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