The 8 Areas of Life – Safety is the 3rd Area

Robyn Pearson
Mar 31
6 min read

Updated: 5 days ago

Intro:

So far, we have covered the 1^st and the 2^nd areas of life, which are Health and Comfort. It is time we moved on to the 3^rd area of life, which is Safety.

By the way, if you want to revisit the Main Blog that introduces the 8 Areas of Life:

8 Areas of Life When Caregiving for Your Aging Loved One -Taking A Closer Look

This 3rd area of life is Safety.

Safety is such a wide and hot topic; for the purposes of education and inspiration, I will keep to only one aspect under the wide umbrella of Safety. That is, dementia care must go beyond physical safety and must include emotional security as well as predictability.

Over the next few weeks and in many different ways, we will discuss Safety as being inclusive of not only physical but also emotional and predictive. You will find ideas, tips, stories, and suggestions to try so your aging loved one can experience a greater sense of Safety and meet the needs of the 3rd Area of Life.

If you haven’t already,

Statistics Worth Knowing

Social Support Reduces Depression: Older adults with strong social networks have a 50% lower risk of depression, reinforcing that emotional security and predictable social engagement are essential for mental health. Source: National Institute on Aging (NIA)

Emotional Safety as a Core Need: Research identifies emotional safety as a primary psychological need for people living with dementia, essential for maintaining independence and reducing fear. Source: Journal of Mental Health (Systematic Review)

Behavioural and Psychological Symptoms: Up to 60% of hospitalized dementia patients exhibit behavioural and psychological symptoms such as agitation, aggression, and restlessness—often triggered by feelings of insecurity and unpredictability. Source: Age and Ageing Journal (Oxford Academic)

Tips To Help You

Wondering if your aging loved one’s nervous system is stuck in fear? It really doesn’t matter if you think her fear is justified or not. If she perceives a threat to herself or to someone/something she values, if she is anxious about something happening or not happening, then to her and her nervous system, it is as real as a tiger in the room.

Fear is a slippery slope. The more time it is fixated on, the more time a person practices ruminating, and then the greater it grows, eventually spreading to other areas. Recognize it and get out in front of it as soon as possible to inhibit its growth.

Ask yourself, what is one small, easily repeatable yet significant change you can make to support your loved one’s fixation on what she believes is fearful? After validating, is it something that can be fixed or taken care of right away? If so, then take care of it and offer words of reassurance. If the fear is more abstract in nature, then after validating, consider a redirection to something more positive. Perhaps redirect to something future-based that could weave a feeling of hope and bring some relief in the moment. Understand that her feeling is real for her.

Tips You Can Act On

If your aging loved one is commonly in a state of fear or overall feeling of being unsafe in some way (and of course, you have already verified the safety of her environment, people in her life, and her own actions towards herself), you can help her to settle her nervous system, even if it is just a much-needed break. Create for her “repeatable opportunities of predictability”. This can include reminiscing about past favourable stories that are positive, loving and just plain feel good. They can be about when you or she was younger.

Keep in mind her current abilities and cognition as to how much, or how little, prompting you need to provide. The idea is to help her redirect her attention to something familiar and feeling good. The objective is to encourage her to either: 1. Take over the sharing of the stories herself and you become the listener, OR 2. Let her be the listener, and you can include her by highlighting a few details of the stories and asking open-ended questions to draw her in.

Giving her predictable opportunities, such as reminiscing about favourable old stories from her past, can give her and her nervous system time to settle.

A Resource For You

Many of the people we at A Friend Indeed visit live with dementia. I learned a long time ago that when you meet one person with dementia, you have in fact met one person with dementia. Each person is an individual –their unique personality, how this disease is presenting, and other circumstances contribute to their current experience in the moment.

I also learned a long time ago that skills met with empathy are a great combination. Part of our training at A Friend Indeed came from the Best Friends Approach (TM) created by Naomi Feil called Validation Therapy. Here is a great link with a few videos. It is gentle, respectful and caring. Truly seeing the person is what A Friend Indeed does. It is where the magic resides in our support designed on connection.

https://best-alzheimers-products.com/validation-therapy-and-alzheimers.html

A Story Worth Telling

I recall a phone call from a daughter whose loved one was in care. Her mom was living with dementia and had convinced herself that evenings were a fearful time. She stayed in her suite and didn’t venture out. The daughter visited as often as she could, but she noticed her mom was becoming lonely and without stimulation; she was showing a decline. Her state of fearfulness was expanding even into the day. It was harder to convince her to leave her room. The daughter didn’t know what to do and called A Friend Indeed.

When someone is fearful, regardless of a real or a perceived threat, their nervous system and all their senses are on high alert. This can be taxing when this occurs over a long period of time. I am a big fan of “slow and steady” in circumstances like this one. This was our approach.

The daughter introduced her mom to her new Friend. The three of them visited her suite. The aim for the first visit was introductions and beginning to build a predictable rapport. It was likely that her mom wouldn’t remember her new Friend at the next visit, and that is just fine. In this moment, during the first visit, the aim is to build a connection and plant the seeds of their feelings.

Aside from the introductions, the first visit reveals something else for each of them to provide feedback. Feedback is golden. Feedback helps the Friend better understand her mom in ways that are more intricate than what notes in a profile can provide. Lots of potential and wonderful creativity live inside the feedback.

It took patience and a series of consistent and predictable visits to establish a connection, then trust and then the inevitable steps outside her room. Slow, predictable steps enveloped in a feeling of safety helped her mom expand her world a little more. With a reset to her nervous system anchored, it allowed a little more resilience and tolerance with her surroundings. Somewhere along the journey, a deep relationship emerges, where the mom, her daughter and their Friend feel really great!

Quotes Worth Sharing

“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” — Benjamin Franklin

“Safety is not a gadget but a state of mind.” — Eleanor Everet

A Testimonial

“I am incredibly grateful for the service Robyn and her team provided for my dad and myself. They were there for me at a time when I really needed help with my dad’s visits. He looked forward and enjoyed the time together, and gave me peace of mind that my dad was in good hands and enjoying his visits and/or outings. I highly recommend Robyn and her team. She is very professional, helpful and understanding.”

--U.J. Daughter

A Compliment To The Care Giver

Inside this messy, complicated and unpredictable world that is caregiving to an aging loved one, YOU have shown up –imperfectly (which is a really great thing by the way!!)

Let me tell you why being imperfect is such a BIG DEAL! When you allow yourself, your aging loved one, and the circumstances at hand to all be imperfect, it means that you are allowing the “what is” to be “what is”. It means you aren’t forcing, but you are open to possibilities and the creativity of what could be. It means you are willing to be curious, to seek to learn and to be inspired. It means you are honouring your heart and your loved one’s heart. YOU are a BIG DEAL! I wanted to remind you of that.